The Holy Spirit

When I was very young (5 yrs old), my parents used to go to Church. They were both saved and baptized back then. I do remember seeing my dad being baptized. I was crying because I thought they were trying to hurt him by drowning him under water. When you are little, you don't understand. However, when the Pastor went over the book of Revelations, it scared my father so bad that they stopped going to Church altogether. When I was about 10, I used to ride on a Church bus to go to a different church for Sunday school. I stopped going because the kids made fun of me and called me names. Back in 2001, I tried it again going to Church. I was saved and baptized by the Pastor. However, everytime he started preaching loudly & fast, I started getting headaches because my hearing is very sensitive and could not understand him. I even tried to talk with people to get to know them and possibly join a Bible study group for women, but, the people there acted like they didn't want a new person around imposing on them. They made me feel as if I didn't exist. So I stopped going after that. I have suffered rejection all my life by so many people (including some family members). I was never physically abused in any way. It was more emotional abuse. I never had anyone to talk to about spiritual things. When I would try to talk to Pastors/Preachers to set up a time, they couldn't do it because they were too busy. So I suffered alot over the years with depression wondering where I fit in and why I was created to suffer in this world. UNTIL September 27, 2003. After my dream of sitting with Jesus Christ (Luke 10:22) , then my heart attack, I had begun to realize that maybe Christ did see what was going on in my life and had to tell me that he favored me. I didn't immediately pick up the Bible to read it because I was still trying to figure out why me. I told my mom about the dream and kept saying, "someone THAT HOLY doesn't visit a person like me". I always considered myself "The Reject". So in January of 2005 I had a cardiologist appointment at 8am. I fell asleep on the sofa (wearing clothes I was going to wear to my appointment) and told my hubby to set the alarm for 6am. Well, I was woke up by someone I actually, physically saw. This man woke me up at 7:13am and told me I needed to get up or I was going to miss my appointment. The minute I saw that man, I jumped up off that sofa and tried to run after him to find out who he was and what he was doing in my house. Well, when I did that, HE VANISHED! I could not see his face at all. Only the sideview of his hair and what he was wearing. All of my doors were chained and windows were completely locked. There was no way he could have gotten in. I yelled at my hubby and he jumped out of that bed. He accidentally set the alarm clock for 6pm instead of 6am. I told him someone was in the house and gently shook me awake. When we looked out the windows, no one was out there. Needless to say, we were ready by 7:30 and out the door. That is when I began to realize that maybe I truly was chosen by Christ. So that is when I decided to try another Church which was an hour away. I still couldn't understand his teachings either. I went to it for a couple weeks until the gas prices started soaring. I couldn't afford the gas to go up there and back. That was about the time, when I was down & out, about finding a new GOOD Church. So in the meantime, I started reading my Bible for the first time and was gradually, day by day, starting to understand it. Including the parables! I have had many, many strange dreams over the years which did not make sense at the time, however, they NOW make sense. All these incidents I've had, reminds me of the "Lost Sheep" parable. No man has ever really taught me the scriptures, because I could not understand the preachers teachings. When I came to John 14:26, my jaws dropped. What was being revealed to me in the scriptures was NOT by any man, ONLY by the Holy Spirit of God. I praise him, worship him and love him with all my heart, soul and mind! Did I find a church? I have found one but I'm still not sure what to make of it. The only thing he does is reads from the Bible and sings about 4 songs. But in the meantime, I will keep reading and keep reading and let God do the rest. I don't worry about other people anymore. The only one I can count on and trust with all faith & love is the Eternal, Sovereign God in the name of Jesus Christ.